A stressed US President hunches over a large conference table in The Situation Room. Seated around the table are military generals, advisers, and policy leaders. On the table are laptops and papers with sensitive military information. The President motions to a round, bald-headed man wearing wraparound sunglasses and a Bored Ape Yacht Club t-shirt standing beside him. The guy throws up the devil horns sign.
“Gentlemen, this is a very precarious international situation, Which is why I brought in @callofdoody69 for his expert opinion.”
This comics was written by the criminally funny Opus Moreschi
Transcript
Panel 1 : Int. Void – Day
A man stands hunched over a table, hand to his forehead, biting his lip in nervousness. On either side of him, his friends gather, shouting with anticipation. On the table in front of them is a single, rectangular block of wood, standing on it’s end like a tower. A very stable tower. The nervous man raises his hand to touch it. To the side, a box lies open with the label “Jenga For Beginners.”
A single panel graphic. A header at the top reads, “Free Ways To Support Your Favorite Artists (from good to best).”
In a descending column under that are the following actions: “Bookmark, Like, Comment, Share,” and finally, “Learn to code, hack Instagram, and change the algorithm to favor artists again.”
At the bottom is a drawing of Kevin hunched over a laptop looking suspicious.
A man sits up in a hospital bed, hooked up to an IV drip. He wears wraparound sunglasses. His doctor stands bedside, looking at his clipboard. Next to the doctor stands a short, muscular, bald man wearing the same wraparound sunglasses as the man in the bed.
Doctor
All my tests say you have cancer. But I called in your favorite podcast host for a second opinion.
Kevin slumps on the couch, playing a video game. His eyes sleepy. His hair disheveled. He hasn’t shaved. Empty delivery container, dirty laundry, and trash are strewn everywhere. He’s wearing sweatpants and only one sock – that has a hole in it.
Panel 2 : Int. Living Room – Alternate Timeline
Kevin sits perfectly erect on the same couch in a bright orange hazmat suit. His living room is sparkling clean. His face is frozen in a wide, toothy smile of anxiety. Sweat beads on his brow. On the endtable sits a single glass of red wine. He’ll never drink it.
A large pie chart, divided up into three slices. Two of them, very slim (about 5% each), are labeled “Eating” and “Cuddling.” A third, overwhelmingly large slice (about 90%), is labeled “Holding Up Your Phone & Saying ‘Look At This’.”