Daily Affirmations

Daily Affirmations

Strip Info

Title
Daily Affirmations
Date
August 7, 2022
Tags
, , , , , ,

Transcript

Panel 1 : Int. Kevin’s House – Day

Kevin’s parrot smiles into his mirror.

Bird
Who’s a pretty bird? Who’s a pwitty widdle birdy? You are!
Panel 2 : Int. Kevin’s House – Continuous

The bird realizes Kevin is watching from the doorway behind him. Kevin snickers.

Panel 3 : Int. Kevin’s House – Continuous

The bird snaps.

Bird
What? Shut up! Like you don’t do it too!
Panel 4 : Int. Kevin’s House – Continuous

The bird continues.

Bird
Get outta here, pencilneck!

Kevin’s smirk fades.

Panel 5 : Int. Kevin’s House – Later

Kevin stands in front of his bathroom mirror. Frowning and tearing up, he points to himself.

Kevin
Don’t let him call you a pencilneck! Who’s a big, strong man? You are!

Why I’m Not On Stranger Things

Why I’m Not On Stranger Things

Strip Info

Title
Why I’m Not On Stranger Things
Date
July 10, 2022
Tags
, , , , , , , , , , , ,
Notes

Kate Bush it is not

Transcript

Panel 1 : Ext. Hawkins Graveyard – Day

An Overhead shot of Kevin, floating several feet in mid-air. Wearing headphones, his eyes roll back in a dumbfounded expression. On the ground, Dustin and Lucas from Stranger Things freak out.

Dustin
Oh no! Kevin’s under Vecna’s curse!
Lucas
Quick! Play his favorite song!
Panel 2 : Int. Vecna’s Lair – Continuous

Kevin is bound up by tentacles in Vecna’s Lair. Everything has a red tint. Vecna stands opposite him, poised with his claw hand. Yet they both pause to and look skyward as a song begin playing.

Singer
Shake your love! I just can’t shake your love! Shake your love! I just can’t shake… your love!
Panel 3 : Int. Vecna’s Lair – Continuous

Embarrassed, Kevin blushes and grins. Vecna lowers his claw. A look of disbelief and judgement on his face.

Vecna
Debbie Gibson?
Kevin
Please don’t tell anyone.
Kevin hunched over his laptop

Quite The Journey

Quite The Journey

Strip Info

Title
Quite The Journey
Date
July 3, 2022
Tags
, , , , , , ,

Transcript

Panel 1 : Int. Car – Day

A driver’s POV looking out the window. A road sign flies by reading “ROAD MAY FLOOD, 500 FT”

Panel 2 : Int. Car – Continuous

Another sign flies by: “ROAD MAY NOT FLOOD, 400 FT”

Panel 3 : Int. Car – Continuous

A third sign: “GET OFF ROAD’S DAMN BACK, 300 FT”

Panel 4 : Int. Car – Continuous

The driver (Kevin) looks out the window with concern.

Panel 5 : Int. Car – Continuous

A fourth sign: “SORRY. ROAD JUST WENT THRU BAD BREAKUP, 200 FT”

Panel 6 : Int. Car – Continuous

A fifth sign: “ROAD NEEDS TIME TO WORK ON ROAD, 100 FT”

Panel 7 : Int. Car – Continuous

A sixth, different sign: “ROAD WORK AHEAD, NEXT 10 MI”

Panel 8 : Int. Car – Continuous

In the driver’s seat, Kevin smiles. Glad that worked out.

A Very Specific Task

A Very Specific Task

Strip Info

Title
A Very Specific Task
Date
June 19, 2022
Tags
, , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Transcript

Panel 1 : Int. Room – Day

Dani stands smiling, holding a bowl of ranch dressing in one hand and a full head of cauliflower in the other. She’s just dipped the cauliflower in the ranch.

Caption
Dipping a head of cauliflower in ranch dressing
Panel 2 : Ext. Yard – Later

Wearing overalls, Dani stands in front of a tall white picket fence. She holds a brush of white paint. A bucket sits on a stepladder nearby. Dani shrugs.

Caption
Painting a white fence white
Panel 3 : Int. Kitchen – Later

Dani stands at a kitchen table. On the table is an open container of plain yogurt. Next to it is large uncooked ham. Dani massages the yogurt into the skin of the uncooked ham. She looks disgusted.

Caption
Massaging yogurt into an uncooked ham
Panel 4 : Ext. Beach – Later

Dani on the beach, equally disgusted look on her face. But now, she’s applying sunscreen to Kevin’s back.

Dani
You’re right – nothing could’ve prepared me for this.
Kevin
Sorry.

No “Off” Switch

No “Off” Switch

Strip Info

Title
No “Off” Switch
Date
June 12, 2022
Tags
, , , , , , , , , ,

Transcript

Panel 1 : Ext. Beach – Day

Kevin sits on a beach chair on a sunny shore. Wearing an open Hawaiian shirt, he clasps his hands behind his head and smiles. His bird perches on his elbow.

Kevin
Isn’t this great? A week away from social media! No F.O.M.O. No stress…
Panel 2 : Ext. Beach – Continuous

Kevin and his bird sit in silence, soaking up the sun and surf.

Panel 3 : Ext. Beach – Continous

Another moment of quiet.

Panel 4 : Ext. Beach – Continous

Kevin’s bird turns to him.

Bird
You’re thinking of ways to turn this into content, aren’t you?
Kevin
Yes. I’m very broken.

Two Great Tastes That Go Great Together

Two Great Tastes That Go Great Together

Strip Info

Title
Two Great Tastes That Go Great Together
Date
May 22, 2022
Tags
, , , , , , , , , , , ,

Transcript

Panel 1 : Int. Television Studio – Day

A game show contestant stands at a podium, cheering with excitement. His nametag reads “Mark.” Next to him stands Drew Carey, who speaks into his signature skinny microphone.

Drew Carey
Actual retail price is twenty-two thousand dollars…
Panel 2 : Int. Television Studio – Continuous

In the adjacent showroom, a spokesmodel stands smiling next to a large powerboat on a trailer.

Drew Carey (O.S.)
…which means Mark will take home this brand new boat…
Panel 3 : Int. Television Studio – Continous

Closer on the boat and spokesmodel, who now holds a large kitchen knife to the bow of the boat.

Drew Carey (O.S.)
…if he can correctly guess IS IT CAKE?
Panel 4 : Int. Studio Executive’s Office – Continous

An executive sits opposite Kevin.

Executive
This is the dumbest pitch I’ve ever heard.

Kevin leans in.

Kevin
Or the greatest?

Next to Kevin is a poster on an easel that reads, “The Price is Cake!”

One More Thing To Worry About

One More Thing To Worry About

Strip Info

Title
One More Thing To Worry About
Date
May 15, 2022
Tags
, , , , , , , ,

Transcript

Panel 1 : Int. Dining Room – Day

Close up on Kevin’s hand, holding his phone. On the screen, a FaceTime call with his Mother. Her camera looks up her nose in a very unflattering angle.

Mother
…And have you heard about this black hole? It’s 4 million times larger than our sun! It’s going to swallow us up!
Panel 2 : Int. Dining Room – Continuous

Kevin sits at a table, holding up his phone. His bird pearches on his shoulder. A bowl of fruit on the table nearby. Kevin smiles.

Kevin
Oh, Mom! I don’t think we have to worry about that for a long time.
Mother
If you say so…
Panel 3 : Int. Dining Room – Continous

Kevin waves goodbye.

Kevin
O.K. Gotta go. Love you.
Mother
Love you too.
Panel 4 : Int. Dining Room – Continous

Kevin and his bird panic, knocking over the bowl of fruit.

Bird
What the hell are we gonna do about this black hole?!?
Kevin
I DUNNO, MAN! I’M FREAKIN’ OUT!

The Procrastination Game

The Procrastination Game

Strip Info

Title
The Procrastination Game
Date
May 8, 2022
Tags
, , , , , , , , ,

Transcript

Panel 1 : Int. Living Room – Day

Kevin sits on his couch, controller in hand, playing a video game. His bird sits next to him.

Kevin
Ugh. This game sucks.
Bird
Then why not play a game you like?
Panel 2 : Int. Living Room – Continuous

Kevin replies.

Kevin
Because if I play a game I like, I’ll get absorbed and won’t do the other things I have to do today.
Panel 3 : Int. Living Room – Continous

The bird ponders.

Bird
So why not do those other things first, then play a game you like?
Kevin
Because playing games is how I procrastinate.
Panel 4 : Int. Living Room – Continous

The bird looks concerned.

Bird
Wow, you’re all messed up, huh?
Kevin
My therapist calls me his “goldmine.”

Zoom Out

Zoom Out

Strip Info

Title
Zoom Out
Date
April 24, 2022
Tags
, , , , , , , ,

Transcript

Panel 1 : Ext. Field – Night

Kevin lays in a field of grass at night, looking up at the stars. His bird lies on it’s back on his chest, also looking up.

Kevin
Ever zoom out and realize how insignificant we are?
Panel 2 : Ext. Field – Continuous

The bird replies.

Bird
I dunno. You’re pretty significant to me.
Kevin
Aww! Thanks! That’s sweet.
Panel 3 : Ext. Field – Continuous

Kevin and the bird lie in quiet for a beat.

Panel 4 : Ext. Field – Continuous

Same.

Bird
Don’t get me wrong: as soon as I figure out how to open bags of birdseed myself, you’re dead to me.

The Sensible Detective

The Sensible Detective

Strip Info

Title
The Sensible Detective
Date
April 17, 2022
Tags
, , , , , , , ,
Notes

Fun fact: this is actually a redraw of a comic I first drew over 10 years ago. The original was part of an earlier version of my comics website called Funny Comics For Cool People. I produced about a dozen comics for it, but never actually launched the site. I always liked this idea, though. So I thought I’d take another swing at it.

Transcript

Panel 1 : Int. Police Station – Day

A grizzled cop sips from a mug. Scowling.

Caption
Tuesdays at 8! He’s a homicide cop with no major vices…
Cop
Got drunk once. Didn’t enjoy it.
Panel 2 : Ext. Park – Continuous

The cop and wife give piggybacks to each of their two kids. Everyone smiles except the cop.

Caption
…no personal trauma…
Cop
All loved ones alive and well.
Panel 3 : Ext. Street – Night

The cop kneels at a crime scene near a corpse, covered in a bloody sheet. The cop looks at his watch.

Caption
…And healthy professional boundaries. He’s The Sensible Detective.
Cop
5p.m.- Quittin’ time.
Panel 4 : Int. Living Room – Continuous

Kevin sits on the couch with his bird, watching this commercial. They both furrow their brows.

Kevin
Well that’s no fun.
Bird
I prefer my protagonists damaged.