Comics Tagged : TV

Why I’m Not On Stranger Things

Why I’m Not On Stranger Things
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Strip Info

Title
Why I’m Not On Stranger Things
Date
July 10, 2022
Tags
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Notes

Kate Bush it is not

Transcript

Panel 1 : Ext. Hawkins Graveyard – Day

An Overhead shot of Kevin, floating several feet in mid-air. Wearing headphones, his eyes roll back in a dumbfounded expression. On the ground, Dustin and Lucas from Stranger Things freak out.

Dustin
Oh no! Kevin’s under Vecna’s curse!
Lucas
Quick! Play his favorite song!
Panel 2 : Int. Vecna’s Lair – Continuous

Kevin is bound up by tentacles in Vecna’s Lair. Everything has a red tint. Vecna stands opposite him, poised with his claw hand. Yet they both pause to and look skyward as a song begin playing.

Singer
Shake your love! I just can’t shake your love! Shake your love! I just can’t shake… your love!
Panel 3 : Int. Vecna’s Lair – Continuous

Embarrassed, Kevin blushes and grins. Vecna lowers his claw. A look of disbelief and judgement on his face.

Vecna
Debbie Gibson?
Kevin
Please don’t tell anyone.

Two Great Tastes That Go Great Together

Two Great Tastes That Go Great Together
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Title
Two Great Tastes That Go Great Together
Date
May 22, 2022
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Transcript

Panel 1 : Int. Television Studio – Day

A game show contestant stands at a podium, cheering with excitement. His nametag reads “Mark.” Next to him stands Drew Carey, who speaks into his signature skinny microphone.

Drew Carey
Actual retail price is twenty-two thousand dollars…
Panel 2 : Int. Television Studio – Continuous

In the adjacent showroom, a spokesmodel stands smiling next to a large powerboat on a trailer.

Drew Carey (O.S.)
…which means Mark will take home this brand new boat…
Panel 3 : Int. Television Studio – Continous

Closer on the boat and spokesmodel, who now holds a large kitchen knife to the bow of the boat.

Drew Carey (O.S.)
…if he can correctly guess IS IT CAKE?
Panel 4 : Int. Studio Executive’s Office – Continous

An executive sits opposite Kevin.

Executive
This is the dumbest pitch I’ve ever heard.

Kevin leans in.

Kevin
Or the greatest?

Next to Kevin is a poster on an easel that reads, “The Price is Cake!”

The Sensible Detective

The Sensible Detective
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Strip Info

Title
The Sensible Detective
Date
April 17, 2022
Tags
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Notes

Fun fact: this is actually a redraw of a comic I first drew over 10 years ago. The original was part of an earlier version of my comics website called Funny Comics For Cool People. I produced about a dozen comics for it, but never actually launched the site. I always liked this idea, though. So I thought I’d take another swing at it.

Transcript

Panel 1 : Int. Police Station – Day

A grizzled cop sips from a mug. Scowling.

Caption
Tuesdays at 8! He’s a homicide cop with no major vices…
Cop
Got drunk once. Didn’t enjoy it.
Panel 2 : Ext. Park – Continuous

The cop and wife give piggybacks to each of their two kids. Everyone smiles except the cop.

Caption
…no personal trauma…
Cop
All loved ones alive and well.
Panel 3 : Ext. Street – Night

The cop kneels at a crime scene near a corpse, covered in a bloody sheet. The cop looks at his watch.

Caption
…And healthy professional boundaries. He’s The Sensible Detective.
Cop
5p.m.- Quittin’ time.
Panel 4 : Int. Living Room – Continuous

Kevin sits on the couch with his bird, watching this commercial. They both furrow their brows.

Kevin
Well that’s no fun.
Bird
I prefer my protagonists damaged.

Kustody Kitchen!

Kustody Kitchen!
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Strip Info

Title
Kustody Kitchen!
Date
March 20, 2022
Tags
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Transcript

Panel 1 : Int. TV Studio – Day

Two parents stare each other down, holding up plates of pasta.

Caption
Thursday at 8! Two newly-divorced parents face off to see who can make the most delicious meal…
Panel 2 : Int. TV Studio – Continuous

A smiling boy, wearing a blindfold, tries the pasta as the parents look on.

Caption
…for the most important judges of all… their kids!
Panel 3 : Int. TV Studio – Continuous

The Mom stands smiling with her son. A winning ribbon pinned to her chest. In the background, security pulls the father away. The Dad reaches out and yells in desperation.

Caption
…and whoever loses, gives up visitation rights FOREVER! It’s Kustody Kitchen!
Panel 4 : Int. Living Room – Continuous

Kevin sits on the couch with his bird, watching this commercial. His eyes wide in shock.

Kevin
Holy shit.
Bird
Right? I love this show.

Blue’s Clues Blues

Blue’s Clues Blues
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Strip Info

Title
Blue’s Clues Blues
Date
September 19, 2021
Tags
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Transcript

Panel 1 : Kevin’s Int. Living Room – Day

Kevin’s POV: Steve from Blues Clues speaks in a clip from that recent video.

Steve
And then you at you! And look at all you’ve accomplished!
Panel 2 : Int. Kevin’s Living Room – Continuous

Up angle on Kevin, who is watching the clip on his phone, derpy look on his face. The bird watches over his shoulder.

Steve (OS)
And it’s just… it’s just so amazing, right?
Panel 3 : Int. Kevin’s Living Room – Continuous

Wide angle of Kevin’s shitty bachelor apartment. Laundry on the floor. Dirty plates and trash strewn about. Unopened mail. Framed Quentin Tarantino movie posters on the wall. And that one torch lamp every dude had in the early 00s. Kevin sits slumped on the couch, in his boxers and socks, watching the video on his phone.

Bird
He’s not talking to you.
Kevin
I figured.

An Important Message From The Future

An Important Message From The Future
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Strip Info

Title
An Important Message From The Future
Date
August 8, 2021
Tags
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Transcript

Panel 1 : Int. Void – Day

In the year 2006…

Past Kevin is startled by Future Kevin, who reaches for him through a time portal.

Future Kevin
“Hey! I’m you from the future! I have something very important you need to hear…”
Panel 2 : Int. Void – Continuous

Future Kevin gets to the point.

Future Kevin
Not every piece of media is for you.
Panel 3 : Int. Void – Continuous

Past Kevin listens skeptically as Future Kevin continues.

Future Kevin
Instead of publically complaining about a movie, tv show, or band you don’t like, try thinking ‘This is not for me’ and moving on.
Panel 4 : Int. Void – Continuous

Past Kevin frowns.

Past Kevin
Okay… but why come back and tell me this now?
Future Kevin
You’re about to join this thing called ‘Twitter…’

The Cord Cutter’s Lament

The Cord Cutter’s Lament
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Strip Info

Title
The Cord Cutter’s Lament
Date
May 9, 2021
Tags
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Transcript

Panel 1 : Int. Void – Day

Kevin stands, looking at his credit card bill. His bird sits on his shoulder.

Kevin
Man! All these streaming services really add up!
Panel 2 : Int. Void – Continuous

His bird ponders.

Bird
Hmm… if only there was a single service that gave you hundreds of channels for one price…
Panel 3 : Int. Void – Continuous

Kevin starts to respond.

Kevin
…You mean like ca-
Bird
(interrupting)
LIKE CABLE.
Panel 4 : Int. Void – Continuous

His bird looks closer at his cable bill.

Bird
Also: You pay for Netflix? What a chump!

Kevin deadpans to camera.

How to Beat The Queen’s Gambit

How to Beat The Queen’s Gambit
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Strip Info

Title
How to Beat The Queen’s Gambit
Date
February 28, 2021
Tags
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Notes

This comic made Chess Reddit very mad. Apparently I didn’t draw the chess board correctly and her opening move in the first panel is bullshit. There were even folks who couldn’t get over the fact that I only have four fingers here. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Transcript

Panel 1 : Int. Chess Tournament Hall – Day

CLOSE up on Beth Harmon’s hand at a chess tournament as she advances her first piece, a pawn, someplace that got Chess Reddit very mad at me.

Panel 2 : Int. Chess Tournament Hall – Continuous

CLOSE on a confused Beth’s face as her opponent extends his hand in surrender.

Panel 3 : Int. Chess Tournament Hall – Continuous

WIDER to reveal Kevin is her opponent.

Beth Harmon
That was my first move.
Kevin
I don’t know how to play chess.

If I Judged Dog Shows

If I Judged Dog Shows
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Strip Info

Title
If I Judged Dog Shows
Date
January 30, 2020
Tags
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Notes

Bonus panel:
Bonus panel

Transcript

Panel 1 : Int. Dog Show Arena – Night

Dressed in a sharp blue suit and purple bowtie, Kevin paces back and forth in front of lineup of cute doggos.

Kevin (v serious)
Bring out the corgi, please.
Panel 2 : Int. Dog Show Arena – Continuous

Kevin continues to pace, but in the opposite direction.

Kevin (v serious)
..And the French Bulldog, please.
Panel 3 : Int. Dog Show Arena – Continuous

Kevin stops in front of the entire line of remaining doggos.

Kevin (v serious)
…And all the rest, please.
Panel 4 : Int. Dog Show Arena – Moments Later

Kevin lays on the ground, swarmed by cute, eager puppers. Standing over him are two old, dour-faced judges holding trophies waiting to be awarded.

Kevin (v serious)
I’m going to need more time, please.

Comfort Shows

Comfort Shows
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Strip Info

Title
Comfort Shows
Date
April 25, 2019
Tags
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Notes

Comfort Shows (Bonus)

Transcript

Panel 1 : Int. Bedroom – Night

Sarah lies in bed, wrapped in a comforter, watching Netflix on her Laptop.

Laptop
Hi! What would you like to watch today?
Sarah
Reruns of The Office, please.
Panel 2 : Int. Bedroom – Continous

Laptop seems nonplussed.

Laptop
-Sigh- Again? But I made all this original content for you.
Panel 3 : Int. Bedroom – Continuous

Laptop makes an offer.

Laptop
…How about The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt?
Sarah
Reruns of The Office, please.
Panel 4 : Int. Bedroom – Continuous

Laptop presses further.

Laptop
…But Ellie Kemp-
Sarah (interrupting)
-Shhh- You’re wasting both of our time.

Head Nibbling

Head Nibbling
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Strip Info

Title
Head Nibbling
Date
April 18, 2019
Tags
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Transcript

Panel 1 : Int. Living Room – Night

Egg & Toast sit on the couch watching TV. Wrapped on in blanket, Egg lays their head on Toast, who looks over at it.

Whenever we’re alone…
Panel 2 : Int. Living Room – Continuous

Toast slowly opens their mouth.

…I know I can count on you…
Panel 3 : Int. Living Room – Continuous

Toast opens their mouth and nibbles lightly on Egg’s head.

…to nibble on me like a weirdo.
Panel 4 : Int. Living Room – Continous

Toast continues to nibble. Egg looks up.

Egg
Please don’t eat my head.
Toast
Don’t tell me how to love you.

The Correct Volume

The Correct Volume
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Strip Info

Title
The Correct Volume
Date
February 28, 2019
Tags
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Transcript

Panel 1 : Int. Living Room – Evening

Close up on the upper-righthand corner of a TV screen. A green overlay reads “Volume: 67”

Panel 2 : Int. Living Room – Continuous

Egg and Toast sit on their couch, watching said TV. Toast holds the remote. Wrapped in a blanket, Egg lays next to them.

Egg
Turn it up to “70,” please.
Panel 3 : Int. Living Room – Continuous

Toast pauses.

Toast
Why?
Egg
It has to be a mulitple of 5.
Panel 4 : Int. Living Room – Continuous

Toast looks confused.

Toast
…Why?
Egg
Ssssh! I’m trying to watch!