Comics Tagged : white people

Why I’m Not On Stranger Things

Why I’m Not On Stranger Things

Strip Info

Title
Why I’m Not On Stranger Things
Date
July 10, 2022
Tags
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Notes

Kate Bush it is not

Transcript

Panel 1 : Ext. Hawkins Graveyard – Day

An Overhead shot of Kevin, floating several feet in mid-air. Wearing headphones, his eyes roll back in a dumbfounded expression. On the ground, Dustin and Lucas from Stranger Things freak out.

Dustin
Oh no! Kevin’s under Vecna’s curse!
Lucas
Quick! Play his favorite song!
Panel 2 : Int. Vecna’s Lair – Continuous

Kevin is bound up by tentacles in Vecna’s Lair. Everything has a red tint. Vecna stands opposite him, poised with his claw hand. Yet they both pause to and look skyward as a song begin playing.

Singer
Shake your love! I just can’t shake your love! Shake your love! I just can’t shake… your love!
Panel 3 : Int. Vecna’s Lair – Continuous

Embarrassed, Kevin blushes and grins. Vecna lowers his claw. A look of disbelief and judgement on his face.

Vecna
Debbie Gibson?
Kevin
Please don’t tell anyone.

A Very Specific Task

A Very Specific Task

Strip Info

Title
A Very Specific Task
Date
June 19, 2022
Tags
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Transcript

Panel 1 : Int. Room – Day

Dani stands smiling, holding a bowl of ranch dressing in one hand and a full head of cauliflower in the other. She’s just dipped the cauliflower in the ranch.

Caption
Dipping a head of cauliflower in ranch dressing
Panel 2 : Ext. Yard – Later

Wearing overalls, Dani stands in front of a tall white picket fence. She holds a brush of white paint. A bucket sits on a stepladder nearby. Dani shrugs.

Caption
Painting a white fence white
Panel 3 : Int. Kitchen – Later

Dani stands at a kitchen table. On the table is an open container of plain yogurt. Next to it is large uncooked ham. Dani massages the yogurt into the skin of the uncooked ham. She looks disgusted.

Caption
Massaging yogurt into an uncooked ham
Panel 4 : Ext. Beach – Later

Dani on the beach, equally disgusted look on her face. But now, she’s applying sunscreen to Kevin’s back.

Dani
You’re right – nothing could’ve prepared me for this.
Kevin
Sorry.

After You

After You

Strip Info

Title
After You
Date
September 12, 2021
Tags
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Transcript

Panel 1 : Int. Home – Day

Kevin sits on his couch. His bird perched on his hand.

Kevin
Have you ever eaten a worm?
Bird
No. I’m an indoor bird.
Panel 2 : Int. Home – Continuous

The bird hops to Kevin’s shoulder.

Bird
Have you?
Kevin
Nope.
Panel 3 : Int. Home – Continuous

Kevin continues.

Kevin
D-do you want to?
Bird
Do you?
Panel 4 : Int. Home – Continuous

Kevin shrugs.

Kevin
I mean…
Bird
…Cuz it sounds like you do.
Panel 4 : Int. Home – Moments Later

Kevin and the bird face off on opposite sides of a plate with an earthworm on it. Kevin raises his eyebrows.

Bird
(skeptical)
O.K. What’s… what’s going on here?

The Tale of Climate Policy – Part 1

The Tale of Climate Policy – Part 1

Strip Info

Title
The Tale of Climate Policy – Part 1
Date
August 22, 2021
Tags
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Transcript

Panel 1 : Ext. Castle – Day

The Tale of Climate Policy

A medieval King stands on the wall of his castle, looking over the nearby village. An aide stands next to him, gesturing at the burning forest beyond.

Aide
Your Highness, the forest beyond the village is aflame again!
King
Hmmm. What seems to be the cause?
Panel 2 : Ext. Castle – Continuous

The King listens, stroking his beard and pondering.

Aide
We believe it to be the sparks from the Blacksmith’s shop.
King
Then I shall speak to the Blacksmith!
Panel 3 : Int. Blacksmith’s Shop – Later

The King stands opposite the Blacksmith in his shop. The Blacksmith is twice the size of the King and twice as mean-looking. A nearby kiln showers sparks everywhere.

King
Fair Blacksmith! Could you please produce less sparks from your shop?
Blacksmith
No.
Panel 4 : Ext. Castle – Later

The King stands atop his castle wall, addressing the villagers below. Behind him, a great plume of smoke and embers rises.

King
I HAVE DONE ALL I CAN TO STOP THE FOREST FIRES!

The Kingdom That Almost Won

The Kingdom That Almost Won

Strip Info

Title
The Kingdom That Almost Won
Date
August 1, 2021
Tags
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Notes

This comic went crazy viral (go figure). Here’s my Twitter thread examining the spread.

Transcript

Panel 1 : Ext. Kingdumb – Day

A medieval knight points at a giant dragon lying on its back in a destroyed village. The knight beckons to nearby villagers.

Knight
Look! The dragon is almost slain! Let us arm ourselves and end its reign of terror!
Panel 2 : Ext. Kingdumb – Continuous

The nearby villagers look at their armor with skepticism.

Villager 1
Wait- What’s this armor made of?
Villager 2
The court jester says it makes you magnetic…

A third villager wears a helmet with visor hanging under his chin.

Villager 3
I can’t breathe in this helmet!
Panel 3 : Ext. Kingdumb – Continuous

The knight looks on in despair as the villagers continue.

Villager 1
Don’t push your pro-armor agenda on us!
Villager 2
The dragon hasn’t eaten anyone -I- know.
Villager 3
We should let the dragon eat us until it gets full.

Meanwhile, the dragon looms over the knight.

Panel 4 : Int. Bedroom – Night

In a modern-day child’s bedroom, a little boy in bed furrows his brow.

Little Boy
I don’t like this story. The people are dumb.

Sitting at the foot of his bed, his mother hunches over a storybook, head in hands.

Mom
-Sigh- I know.

It’s Not A Competition (Alt)

It’s Not A Competition (Alt)

Strip Info

Title
It’s Not A Competition (Alt)
Date
April 11, 2021
Tags
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Notes

This is an alternate version of another comic I made. I made this version to see which one shared better on social media: dudes or Moms. Moms won. Moms always win.

Transcript

Panel 1 : Int. Void – Day

CLOSE on Some D-Bag bragging.

Some D-Bag
…Well, I finished writing my novel, got in shape, and learned French…
Panel 2 : Int. Void – Continuous

WIDER to reveal she’s talking to a frazzled Mom with a little kid and a baby.

Some D-Bag
…What did you get done during COVID?
Mom
(deadpan)
I took care of my kids.
Panel 3 : Int. Void – Continuous

The D-Bag shrugs.

Some D-Bag
…That’s all?
Panel 4 : Int. Void – Continuous

The D-Bag’s eyes go wide as Mom reaches off-panel for a large, ornate axe.

It’s Not A Competition

It’s Not A Competition

Strip Info

Title
It’s Not A Competition
Date
April 11, 2021
Tags
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Notes

I made an alternate version of this comic for all the hard working moms out there.

Transcript

Panel 1 : Int. Void – Day

CLOSE on Some D-Bag bragging.

Some D-Bag
…Well, I finished writing my novel, got in shape, and learned French…
Panel 2 : Int. Void – Continuous

WIDER to reveal he’s talking to Kevin.

Some D-Bag
…What did you get done during COVID?
Kevin
(deadpan)
I took up metalworking.
Panel 3 : Int. Void – Continuous

The D-Bag shrugs.

Some D-Bag
…That’s all?
Panel 4 : Int. Void – Continuous

The D-Bag’s eyes go wide as Kevin reaches off-panel for a large, ornate axe.

How To Motivate Your Co-Workers

How To Motivate Your Co-Workers

Strip Info

Title
How To Motivate Your Co-Workers
Date
March 21, 2021
Tags
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Transcript

Panel 1 : Int. Office – Day

Kevin stands next to a Bossman in front of a group of office workers.

Bossman
Remember: Failure is not an option.
Kevin
Yes, but failure is the best teacher.
Panel 2 : Int. Office – Continuous

The Bossman looks over as Kevin continues.

Kevin
So if you want to succeed at learning, consider failing.
Panel 3 : Int. Office – Continuous

The Bossman whispers to Kevin.

Bossman
What are you doing? We’re supposed to motivate them.
Kevin
I am!
Panel 4 : Int. Office – Continuous

Something dawns on the Bossman

Bossman
Wait- do you even work here?
Kevin
(arms up)
Naps for everyone!

How to Beat The Queen’s Gambit

How to Beat The Queen’s Gambit

Strip Info

Title
How to Beat The Queen’s Gambit
Date
February 28, 2021
Tags
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Notes

This comic made Chess Reddit very mad. Apparently I didn’t draw the chess board correctly and her opening move in the first panel is bullshit. There were even folks who couldn’t get over the fact that I only have four fingers here. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Transcript

Panel 1 : Int. Chess Tournament Hall – Day

CLOSE up on Beth Harmon’s hand at a chess tournament as she advances her first piece, a pawn, someplace that got Chess Reddit very mad at me.

Panel 2 : Int. Chess Tournament Hall – Continuous

CLOSE on a confused Beth’s face as her opponent extends his hand in surrender.

Panel 3 : Int. Chess Tournament Hall – Continuous

WIDER to reveal Kevin is her opponent.

Beth Harmon
That was my first move.
Kevin
I don’t know how to play chess.

Tote Bags

Tote Bags

Strip Info

Title
Tote Bags
Date
August 14, 2020
Tags
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Transcript

Panel 1 : Int. Home – Day

Kevin holds a reusable tote bag filled with groceries. A logo printed on the bag reads “NPR.” A green ring-necked parrot sits on a perch behind him.

Bird
Wait, Kevin- haven’t you heard? Tote bags are bad for the environment.
Panel 2 : Int. Home – Continuous

The parrot is now on Kevin’s shoulder. Kevin looks incredulous.

Kevin
What? How?
Bird
Reusable cotton totes take more energy to create than plastic bags.
Panel 3 : Int. Home – Continuous

Kevin looks down at his tote bag as the parrot continues.

Bird
Each new tote has to be reused 20,000 times to break even.
Panel 4 : Int. Home – Continuous

Kevin raises his eyebrows.

Kevin
But… how will people know I support NPR?
Panel 5 : Int. Home – Continuous

The parrot leans in.

Bird
Kevin, you’re a white, middle-aged liberal… we know.

Kevin deadpans to camera.

Opening Up

Opening Up

Strip Info

Title
Opening Up
Date
July 16, 2020
Tags
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Notes

This is probably my most political comic to date. It blew up on Reddit. I think it even made it to the front page. People used the comments as a place to debate COVID-19 lockdown re-opening. The debate got so heated that the moderators of r/funny actually took it down.

Transcript

Panel 1 : Ext. Castle Courtyard – Day

A King addresses a crowd of his subjects from the top of a high wall.

King
My loyal subjects.. I’ve decided to reopen the castle!
Panel 2 : Int. Castle Courtyard – Continuous

From the crowd below, a lowly subject speaks up. Behind him is the main gate of the castle. On the other side of that, a green fog can be seen lingering right over the wall.

Subject
But Your Majesty! The Murder Fog is right outside the gates! We’ll be killed!
Panel 3 : Int. Castle Courtyard – Time

The king motions to a group of three younger people to his left. They look insufferable. Like mideval hipsters.

King
I’m sorry, but I’m afraid I have no choice… Beck and her friends MUST BRUNCH!

Desert Island

Desert Island

Strip Info

Title
Desert Island
Date
February 6, 2020
Tags
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Transcript

Panel 1 : Ext. Ocean – Day

A Castaway stands alone on a small desert island in the middle of open ocean. He waves his hands frantically at a Man swimming towards him from a flaming, sinking ship on the horizon.

Panel 2 : Ext. Ocean – Moments Later

The Man reaches the island. He hunches over to catch is breath. Meanwhile, the Castaway looks estatic.

Castaway
Thank goodness you’re here! Now let me tell you about my podcast!
Panel 3 : Ext. Ocean – Moments Later

The Castaway watches as the Man swims back out toward the flaming, sinking ship on the horizon.