Comics Tagged : dumb things people do

Stop Asking

Stop Asking
Bonus Panel
Stop Asking

Strip Info

Title
Stop Asking
Date
August 13, 2023
Tags
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Transcript

Panel 1 : Int. Party – Day

At a party, a drunk frat guy walks up to Kevin.

Frat Guy
Hey! Cartoon Boy! Put me in one of your comics!
Kevin
Sorry, but no…
Panel 2 : Int. Party – Continuous

The frat guy presses.

Frat Guy
C’mon! I bet I’m funnier than your dumb characters.
Kevin
Oh, I’m sure you are.
Panel 3 : Int. Party – Continuous

Fed up, Kevin explains.

Kevin
Look, no offense, but stop asking cartoonists to be in their comics. It’s just not going to happen, okay?
Panel 4 : Int. Void – Continuous

Zoom out to Kevin, sitting at his desk, drawing the comic we’ve just been reading. He lifts his pen from his monitor.

Kevin (realizing)
Wait. (beat) Shit.

Catching Up

Catching Up
Bonus Panel
Catching Up

Strip Info

Title
Catching Up
Date
July 30, 2023
Tags
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Transcript

Panel 1 : Int. Apartment – Day

Kevin, wearing a Hawaiian shirt and carrying luggage, stands in the doorway of his house. His bird greets him with raised wings.

Bird
Hey hey! Welcome back from vacation!
Kevin
Thanks! What did I miss?
Panel 2 : Int. Apartment – Continuous

Kevin’s bird ponders.

Bird
Let’s see… He renamed it “X”, but he doesn’t own the trademark. So there probably a bunch of lawsuits coming. Also: he limited the number of tweets you can read without paying.
Panel 3 : Int. Apartment – Continuous

Kevin’s smile fades. His face ages as he listens to his bird go on.

Bird
Oh! And he started paying people to post, but you have to subscribe first – which kinda sounds like a pyramid scheme?
Panel 4 : Int. Apartment – Continuous

Kevin turns around and walks away, dragging his luggage with him. His bird calls after him.

Bird
…and did I mention he wants us to use it as a banking app? BECAUSE HE WANTS US TO USE IT AS A BANKING APP!
Bonus Panel 1 : Ext. Beach – Later

Now at the beach at sunset, Kevin drags his luggage behind him as he walks into the ocean.

Bonus Panel 2 : Ext. Beach – Later

Kevin is gone under the water. All that’s left are his footsteps and the drag marks of his luggage.

The Future of Entertainment

The Future of Entertainment

Strip Info

Title
The Future of Entertainment
Date
June 18, 2023
Tags
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Transcript

Panel 1 : Int. VR Headset – Day

From a user’s POV inside a VR headset, a cute robot character floats into view.

Genie
Hi! I’m Genie, your A.I.-powered entertainment bot! What do you want to watch today?
User (O.S.)
I wanna watch a movie where Spider-Man fights Batman at Wrestlemania!
Panel 2 : Int. Living Room – Continuous

The user sits in his recliner, a beer in his hand

Genie (O.S.)
Sorry. I’m afraid I can’t do that.
User
Why not? I thought A.I. can create whatever I want.
Panel 3 : Int. VR Headset – Continuous

In the headset, Genie explains.

Genie
Well, see… Spider-Man is owned by Disney, Batman is owned by Warner Bros, and Wrestlemania is WWE. To combine them legally, I would need a licensing agreement between all three companies that allows for… (trailing off)
Panel 4 : Ext. Street – Later

Later, on the side of the road, two sanitation workers empty trash cans into a garbage truck. One worker holds up something he fished out of a can.

Sanitation Worker
Hey look! Another pair a’them expensive goggles!

Selling Stuff on Craigslist – Part IV

Selling Stuff on Craigslist – Part IV

Strip Info

Title
Selling Stuff on Craigslist – Part IV
Date
March 19, 2023
Tags
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Transcript

Panel 1 : Int. Void – Day

Kevin sits at a little table. On the table sits a small lamp with a red shade and a sign that reads “Lamp: $5. Still works! Red shade. 18″ tall.” Craigslist Guy steps up to the table.

Craigslist Guy
Hey. I’ll buy your lamp.
Kevin
Great! Can you take it today?
Panel 2 : Int. Void – Continuous

Craigslist Guy answers.

Craigslist Guy
Well, see… I’ll have to borrow my mom’s-“
Kevin (interrupting)
Oh no no! No need to tell me your life story…
Panel 3 : Int. Void – Continuous

Wider to reveal several people standing behind Craigslist Guy.

Kevin
Other folks are interested too. So just tell me if you can take it today.
Panel 4 : Int. Void – Continuous

Craigslist Guy launches into a big block of backstory.

Craigslist Guy
Well, see… I’ll have to borrow my Mom’s car because I don’t want to carry it home on the bus because the bus driver is a jerk who wouldn’t let me bring my lunch on the bus because one time I spilled but it wasn’t even my fault because he went around a corner too fast so my soup spilled out of my thermos which I guess I should have closed tighter but hey…

Kevin deadpans to the camera.

The Bank Loan (Part 3)

The Bank Loan (Part 3)

Strip Info

Title
The Bank Loan (Part 3)
Date
November 20, 2022
Tags
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Transcript

Panel 1 : Int. Bank Office – Day

The bank Branch Manager sits behind his desk opposite Kevin and his bird, looking over a handfull of papers.

Branch Manager
Sir, this business plan was clearly written by your pet bird, and we don’t give bank loans to birds.
Panel 2 : Bank Office – Continuous

Dressed in a large, green bird outfit, Kevin scoffs. Dressed in a collar and tie, his bird perches next to him.

Kevin
That’s preposterious! Are you suggesting I’m not the one who came up with the idea for…
Panel 3 : Int. Bank Office – Continuous

Kevin picks up one of the loan application papers in front of him and reads it briefly.

Panel 4 : Bank Office – Continuous

Kevin returns to his hauty posture.

Kevin
…”Pluckr: The Dating App for Birds?”
Panel 5 : Int. Car – Later

Kevin drives home from the bank. On his shoulder, his bird throws up his wings in disgust.

Bird
It’s a billion dollar idea!
Kevin
Obviously. They have no vision.

The Bank Loan (Part 2)

The Bank Loan (Part 2)

Strip Info

Title
The Bank Loan (Part 2)
Date
November 13, 2022
Tags
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Transcript

Panel 1 : Int. Car – Day

Kevin drives his car to the bank. On his arm sits his bird, dressed in a little collar and tie.

Bird
Listen, I need you to pretend to be me in this bank interview.
Kevin
What? Why?
Panel 2 : Int. Car – Continuous

The bird continues.

Bird
Because banks don’t give business loans to birds.
Kevin
Well, not with that attitude.
Panel 3 : Ext. Car – Continuous

The bird continues.

Bird
C’mon, be serious. Can you pretend to be me or not?
Kevin
Yeah yeah yeah. No problem.
Panel 4 : Int. Bank Office – Later

Kevin sits in a chair opposite the branch manager, who looks over the loan application. Kevin is wearing a giant parrot costume, grinning like an idiot. On his shoulder, his bird facepalms.

All That Flapping

All That Flapping

Strip Info

Title
All That Flapping
Date
August 14, 2022
Tags
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Transcript

Panel 1 : Ext. Kevin’s House – Day

Close up on Kevin, wearing a bike helmet. His parrot sits on his shoulder.

Kevin
What’s flying like?
Bird
Honestly? Overrated.
Panel 2 : Ext. Kevin’s House – Continuous

The bird continues.

Bird
Sure, it’s fun to soar above the trees. But it’s also exhausting. All that flapping.
Panel 3 : Ext. Kevin’s House – Continuous

Wider to reveal Kevin is standing on the roof of his house, looking over the edge. A pillow lashed to his chest and a bedsheet fastened to his arms as makeshift wings.

Kevin
Huh. So should I rethink this?
Char
Nah. You’re gonna love it.

Why I’m Not On Stranger Things

Why I’m Not On Stranger Things

Strip Info

Title
Why I’m Not On Stranger Things
Date
July 10, 2022
Tags
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Notes

Kate Bush it is not

Transcript

Panel 1 : Ext. Hawkins Graveyard – Day

An Overhead shot of Kevin, floating several feet in mid-air. Wearing headphones, his eyes roll back in a dumbfounded expression. On the ground, Dustin and Lucas from Stranger Things freak out.

Dustin
Oh no! Kevin’s under Vecna’s curse!
Lucas
Quick! Play his favorite song!
Panel 2 : Int. Vecna’s Lair – Continuous

Kevin is bound up by tentacles in Vecna’s Lair. Everything has a red tint. Vecna stands opposite him, poised with his claw hand. Yet they both pause to and look skyward as a song begin playing.

Singer
Shake your love! I just can’t shake your love! Shake your love! I just can’t shake… your love!
Panel 3 : Int. Vecna’s Lair – Continuous

Embarrassed, Kevin blushes and grins. Vecna lowers his claw. A look of disbelief and judgement on his face.

Vecna
Debbie Gibson?
Kevin
Please don’t tell anyone.

The Procrastination Game

The Procrastination Game

Strip Info

Title
The Procrastination Game
Date
May 8, 2022
Tags
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Transcript

Panel 1 : Int. Living Room – Day

Kevin sits on his couch, controller in hand, playing a video game. His bird sits next to him.

Kevin
Ugh. This game sucks.
Bird
Then why not play a game you like?
Panel 2 : Int. Living Room – Continuous

Kevin replies.

Kevin
Because if I play a game I like, I’ll get absorbed and won’t do the other things I have to do today.
Panel 3 : Int. Living Room – Continous

The bird ponders.

Bird
So why not do those other things first, then play a game you like?
Kevin
Because playing games is how I procrastinate.
Panel 4 : Int. Living Room – Continous

The bird looks concerned.

Bird
Wow, you’re all messed up, huh?
Kevin
My therapist calls me his “goldmine.”

What’s In Your Wallet?

What’s In Your Wallet?

Strip Info

Title
What’s In Your Wallet?
Date
April 3, 2022
Tags
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Transcript

Panel 1 : Int. The Metaverse – Day

Kevin and his orc guide walk through a Metaverse landscape.

Kevin
So how do I get a sweet metaverse avatar like yours?
Orc
You have to pay for it.
Panel 2 : Int. The Metaverse – Continuous

Still walking.

Kevin
With real money?
Orc
With crypto!
Kevin
So… not real money?
Panel 3 : Int. Metaverse – Continuous

The orc stops. Kevin stands behind him

Orc
Kinda. It’a a digital curency. Here: let’s set up a wallet for you.

The orc reaches towards a glowing Bitcoin wallet icon.

Panel 4 : Int. The Metaverse – Continuous

In the real world, Kevin stands in his living room, looking confused in a VR headset. His bird perches on his arm.

Bird
How’s it going in there?
Kevin
I think I’m about to get swindled.

Welcome to The Metaverse!

Welcome to The Metaverse!

Strip Info

Title
Welcome to The Metaverse!
Date
March 27, 2022
Tags
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Transcript

Panel 1 : Int. The Metaverse – Day

Kevin stands in a digital void next to a giant orc.

Orc
Welcome to The Metaverse! Here, you can be anyone you want!
Panel 2 : Int. The Metaverse – Continuous

The orc continues.

Orc
Look at me! I’m an accountant irl. But here, I’m an orc warrior! No judgement!
Panel 3 : Int. Metaverse – Continuous

The orc continues.

Orc
Go ahead! Be who you’ve always wanted to be!

Kevin closes his eyes and starts to glow.

Panel 4 : Int. The Metaverse – Continuous

Kevin’s shirt changes from black to light pink. “Plip!” He smiles.

Panel 5 : Int. The Metaverse – Continuous

The orc looks on, skeptically.

Orc
Yeeeah… Salmon’s not your color.

Kevin deflates.

The Tale of Climate Policy – Part 1

The Tale of Climate Policy – Part 1

Strip Info

Title
The Tale of Climate Policy – Part 1
Date
August 22, 2021
Tags
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Transcript

Panel 1 : Ext. Castle – Day

The Tale of Climate Policy

A medieval King stands on the wall of his castle, looking over the nearby village. An aide stands next to him, gesturing at the burning forest beyond.

Aide
Your Highness, the forest beyond the village is aflame again!
King
Hmmm. What seems to be the cause?
Panel 2 : Ext. Castle – Continuous

The King listens, stroking his beard and pondering.

Aide
We believe it to be the sparks from the Blacksmith’s shop.
King
Then I shall speak to the Blacksmith!
Panel 3 : Int. Blacksmith’s Shop – Later

The King stands opposite the Blacksmith in his shop. The Blacksmith is twice the size of the King and twice as mean-looking. A nearby kiln showers sparks everywhere.

King
Fair Blacksmith! Could you please produce less sparks from your shop?
Blacksmith
No.
Panel 4 : Ext. Castle – Later

The King stands atop his castle wall, addressing the villagers below. Behind him, a great plume of smoke and embers rises.

King
I HAVE DONE ALL I CAN TO STOP THE FOREST FIRES!