Comics Tagged : dumb things people do
The Bank Loan (Part 3)
Strip Info
Transcript
- Panel 1 : Int. Bank Office – Day
-
The bank Branch Manager sits behind his desk opposite Kevin and his bird, looking over a handfull of papers.
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- Branch Manager
- Sir, this business plan was clearly written by your pet bird, and we don’t give bank loans to birds.
- Panel 2 : Bank Office – Continuous
-
Dressed in a large, green bird outfit, Kevin scoffs. Dressed in a collar and tie, his bird perches next to him.
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- Kevin
- That’s preposterious! Are you suggesting I’m not the one who came up with the idea for…
- Panel 3 : Int. Bank Office – Continuous
-
Kevin picks up one of the loan application papers in front of him and reads it briefly.
- Panel 4 : Bank Office – Continuous
-
Kevin returns to his hauty posture.
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- Kevin
- …”Pluckr: The Dating App for Birds?”
- Panel 5 : Int. Car – Later
-
Kevin drives home from the bank. On his shoulder, his bird throws up his wings in disgust.
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- Bird
- It’s a billion dollar idea!
- Kevin
- Obviously. They have no vision.
The Bank Loan (Part 2)
Strip Info
- Title
- The Bank Loan (Part 2)
- Date
- November 13, 2022
- Tags
- bank loan, bank manager, Bird, business, costume, dumb things people do, Kevin, office, scheme, The Box
Transcript
- Panel 1 : Int. Car – Day
-
Kevin drives his car to the bank. On his arm sits his bird, dressed in a little collar and tie.
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- Bird
- Listen, I need you to pretend to be me in this bank interview.
- Kevin
- What? Why?
- Panel 2 : Int. Car – Continuous
-
The bird continues.
-
- Bird
- Because banks don’t give business loans to birds.
- Kevin
- Well, not with that attitude.
- Panel 3 : Ext. Car – Continuous
-
The bird continues.
-
- Bird
- C’mon, be serious. Can you pretend to be me or not?
- Kevin
- Yeah yeah yeah. No problem.
- Panel 4 : Int. Bank Office – Later
-
Kevin sits in a chair opposite the branch manager, who looks over the loan application. Kevin is wearing a giant parrot costume, grinning like an idiot. On his shoulder, his bird facepalms.
All That Flapping
Strip Info
- Title
- All That Flapping
- Date
- August 14, 2022
- Tags
- Bird, dumb things people do, flying, Kevin, life or death situation, outside, rooftop
Transcript
- Panel 1 : Ext. Kevin’s House – Day
-
Close up on Kevin, wearing a bike helmet. His parrot sits on his shoulder.
-
- Kevin
- What’s flying like?
- Bird
- Honestly? Overrated.
- Panel 2 : Ext. Kevin’s House – Continuous
-
The bird continues.
-
- Bird
- Sure, it’s fun to soar above the trees. But it’s also exhausting. All that flapping.
- Panel 3 : Ext. Kevin’s House – Continuous
-
Wider to reveal Kevin is standing on the roof of his house, looking over the edge. A pillow lashed to his chest and a bedsheet fastened to his arms as makeshift wings.
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- Kevin
- Huh. So should I rethink this?
- Char
- Nah. You’re gonna love it.
Why I’m Not On Stranger Things
Strip Info
- Title
- Why I’m Not On Stranger Things
- Date
- July 10, 2022
- Tags
- awkward, Debbie Gibson, dumb things people do, Dustin, Kevin, Lucas, music, Netflix, pop culture, Stranger Things, TV, Vecna, white people
- Notes
Transcript
- Panel 1 : Ext. Hawkins Graveyard – Day
-
An Overhead shot of Kevin, floating several feet in mid-air. Wearing headphones, his eyes roll back in a dumbfounded expression. On the ground, Dustin and Lucas from Stranger Things freak out.
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- Dustin
- Oh no! Kevin’s under Vecna’s curse!
- Lucas
- Quick! Play his favorite song!
- Panel 2 : Int. Vecna’s Lair – Continuous
-
Kevin is bound up by tentacles in Vecna’s Lair. Everything has a red tint. Vecna stands opposite him, poised with his claw hand. Yet they both pause to and look skyward as a song begin playing.
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- Singer
- Shake your love! I just can’t shake your love! Shake your love! I just can’t shake… your love!
- Panel 3 : Int. Vecna’s Lair – Continuous
-
Embarrassed, Kevin blushes and grins. Vecna lowers his claw. A look of disbelief and judgement on his face.
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- Vecna
- Debbie Gibson?
- Kevin
- Please don’t tell anyone.
The Procrastination Game
Strip Info
- Title
- The Procrastination Game
- Date
- May 8, 2022
- Tags
- Bird, couch, creativity, dumb things people do, Kevin, mental health, productivity, relatable, self care, videogames
Transcript
- Panel 1 : Int. Living Room – Day
-
Kevin sits on his couch, controller in hand, playing a video game. His bird sits next to him.
-
- Kevin
- Ugh. This game sucks.
- Bird
- Then why not play a game you like?
- Panel 2 : Int. Living Room – Continuous
-
Kevin replies.
-
- Kevin
- Because if I play a game I like, I’ll get absorbed and won’t do the other things I have to do today.
- Panel 3 : Int. Living Room – Continous
-
The bird ponders.
-
- Bird
- So why not do those other things first, then play a game you like?
- Kevin
- Because playing games is how I procrastinate.
- Panel 4 : Int. Living Room – Continous
-
The bird looks concerned.
-
- Bird
- Wow, you’re all messed up, huh?
- Kevin
- My therapist calls me his “goldmine.”
What’s In Your Wallet?
Strip Info
- Title
- What’s In Your Wallet?
- Date
- April 3, 2022
- Tags
- Bird, Bitcoin, crypto, dumb things people do, Kevin, Metaverse, orc warrior, scams, social interactions, virtual reality
Transcript
- Panel 1 : Int. The Metaverse – Day
-
Kevin and his orc guide walk through a Metaverse landscape.
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- Kevin
- So how do I get a sweet metaverse avatar like yours?
- Orc
- You have to pay for it.
- Panel 2 : Int. The Metaverse – Continuous
-
Still walking.
-
- Kevin
- With real money?
- Orc
- With crypto!
- Kevin
- So… not real money?
- Panel 3 : Int. Metaverse – Continuous
-
The orc stops. Kevin stands behind him
-
- Orc
- Kinda. It’a a digital curency. Here: let’s set up a wallet for you.
-
The orc reaches towards a glowing Bitcoin wallet icon.
- Panel 4 : Int. The Metaverse – Continuous
-
In the real world, Kevin stands in his living room, looking confused in a VR headset. His bird perches on his arm.
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- Bird
- How’s it going in there?
- Kevin
- I think I’m about to get swindled.
Welcome to The Metaverse!
Strip Info
- Title
- Welcome to The Metaverse!
- Date
- March 27, 2022
- Tags
- dumb things people do, Facebook, Kevin, Metaverse, orc warrior, salmon shirts, social interactions, social media, technology
Transcript
- Panel 1 : Int. The Metaverse – Day
-
Kevin stands in a digital void next to a giant orc.
-
- Orc
- Welcome to The Metaverse! Here, you can be anyone you want!
- Panel 2 : Int. The Metaverse – Continuous
-
The orc continues.
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- Orc
- Look at me! I’m an accountant irl. But here, I’m an orc warrior! No judgement!
- Panel 3 : Int. Metaverse – Continuous
-
The orc continues.
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- Orc
- Go ahead! Be who you’ve always wanted to be!
-
Kevin closes his eyes and starts to glow.
- Panel 4 : Int. The Metaverse – Continuous
-
Kevin’s shirt changes from black to light pink. “Plip!” He smiles.
- Panel 5 : Int. The Metaverse – Continuous
-
The orc looks on, skeptically.
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- Orc
- Yeeeah… Salmon’s not your color.
-
Kevin deflates.
The Tale of Climate Policy – Part 1
Strip Info
- Title
- The Tale of Climate Policy – Part 1
- Date
- August 22, 2021
- Tags
- blacksmith, castle, climate change, dumb things people do, forest fires, King, politics, The Kingdumb, villagers, white people
Transcript
- Panel 1 : Ext. Castle – Day
-
The Tale of Climate Policy
-
A medieval King stands on the wall of his castle, looking over the nearby village. An aide stands next to him, gesturing at the burning forest beyond.
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- Aide
- Your Highness, the forest beyond the village is aflame again!
- King
- Hmmm. What seems to be the cause?
- Panel 2 : Ext. Castle – Continuous
-
The King listens, stroking his beard and pondering.
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- Aide
- We believe it to be the sparks from the Blacksmith’s shop.
- King
- Then I shall speak to the Blacksmith!
- Panel 3 : Int. Blacksmith’s Shop – Later
-
The King stands opposite the Blacksmith in his shop. The Blacksmith is twice the size of the King and twice as mean-looking. A nearby kiln showers sparks everywhere.
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- King
- Fair Blacksmith! Could you please produce less sparks from your shop?
- Blacksmith
- No.
- Panel 4 : Ext. Castle – Later
-
The King stands atop his castle wall, addressing the villagers below. Behind him, a great plume of smoke and embers rises.
-
- King
- I HAVE DONE ALL I CAN TO STOP THE FOREST FIRES!
Jenga For Beginners
Strip Info
- Title
- Jenga For Beginners
- Date
- August 15, 2021
- Tags
- board games, dumb things people do, guest writer, jenga, single panel
- Notes
-
This comics was written by the criminally funny Opus Moreschi
Transcript
- Panel 1 : Int. Void – Day
-
A man stands hunched over a table, hand to his forehead, biting his lip in nervousness. On either side of him, his friends gather, shouting with anticipation. On the table in front of them is a single, rectangular block of wood, standing on it’s end like a tower. A very stable tower. The nervous man raises his hand to touch it. To the side, a box lies open with the label “Jenga For Beginners.”
The Kingdom That Almost Won
Strip Info
- Title
- The Kingdom That Almost Won
- Date
- August 1, 2021
- Tags
- bedtime story, COVID, dragon, dumb things people do, knight, medieval, misinformation, pandemic, The Kingdumb, villagers, white people
- Notes
-
This comic went crazy viral (go figure). Here’s my Twitter thread examining the spread.
Transcript
- Panel 1 : Ext. Kingdumb – Day
-
A medieval knight points at a giant dragon lying on its back in a destroyed village. The knight beckons to nearby villagers.
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- Knight
- Look! The dragon is almost slain! Let us arm ourselves and end its reign of terror!
- Panel 2 : Ext. Kingdumb – Continuous
-
The nearby villagers look at their armor with skepticism.
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- Villager 1
- Wait- What’s this armor made of?
- Villager 2
- The court jester says it makes you magnetic…
-
A third villager wears a helmet with visor hanging under his chin.
-
- Villager 3
- I can’t breathe in this helmet!
- Panel 3 : Ext. Kingdumb – Continuous
-
The knight looks on in despair as the villagers continue.
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- Villager 1
- Don’t push your pro-armor agenda on us!
- Villager 2
- The dragon hasn’t eaten anyone -I- know.
- Villager 3
- We should let the dragon eat us until it gets full.
-
Meanwhile, the dragon looms over the knight.
- Panel 4 : Int. Bedroom – Night
-
In a modern-day child’s bedroom, a little boy in bed furrows his brow.
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- Little Boy
- I don’t like this story. The people are dumb.
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Sitting at the foot of his bed, his mother hunches over a storybook, head in hands.
-
- Mom
- -Sigh- I know.
The Cord Cutter’s Lament
Strip Info
- Title
- The Cord Cutter’s Lament
- Date
- May 9, 2021
- Tags
- Bird, cable, cord cutting, dumb things people do, Kevin, Netflix, streaming, TV
Transcript
- Panel 1 : Int. Void – Day
-
Kevin stands, looking at his credit card bill. His bird sits on his shoulder.
-
- Kevin
- Man! All these streaming services really add up!
- Panel 2 : Int. Void – Continuous
-
His bird ponders.
-
- Bird
- Hmm… if only there was a single service that gave you hundreds of channels for one price…
- Panel 3 : Int. Void – Continuous
-
Kevin starts to respond.
-
- Kevin
- …You mean like ca-
- Bird
(interrupting) - LIKE CABLE.
- Panel 4 : Int. Void – Continuous
-
His bird looks closer at his cable bill.
-
- Bird
- Also: You pay for Netflix? What a chump!
-
Kevin deadpans to camera.
Look With Your Eyes
Strip Info
- Title
- Look With Your Eyes
- Date
- January 30, 2021
- Tags
- bffs, dumb things people do, Egg & Toast, men and women, relatable, relationships, wholesome
Transcript
- Panel 1 : Int. Home – Day
-
Toast stands in front of an open closet. Egg sits at the table across the room, working on a laptop.
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- Toast
- Where are the light bulbs?
- Egg
- Middle shelf.
- Panel 2 : Int. Home – Continuous
-
Toast looks confused.
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- Toast
- Where? I don’t see them.
- Egg
(stops working) - Next to the towels.
- Panel 3 : Int. Home – Continuous
-
Toast doesn’t see them.
-
- Toast
- Where?
- Egg
- -Sigh-
Egg stands up and begins to walk across the room.
- Panel 4 : Int. Home – Continuous
-
Just as Egg reaches Toast…
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- Toast
- Oh! There they are!
-
Toast reaches for them. Egg just glowers at Toast.