Comics in Category : Dumb Things People Do
Why I’m Not On Stranger Things
Strip Info
- Title
- Why I’m Not On Stranger Things
- Date
- July 10, 2022
- Tags
- awkward, Debbie Gibson, dumb things people do, Dustin, Kevin, Lucas, music, Netflix, pop culture, Stranger Things, TV, Vecna, white people
- Notes
Transcript
- Panel 1 : Ext. Hawkins Graveyard – Day
-
An Overhead shot of Kevin, floating several feet in mid-air. Wearing headphones, his eyes roll back in a dumbfounded expression. On the ground, Dustin and Lucas from Stranger Things freak out.
-
- Dustin
- Oh no! Kevin’s under Vecna’s curse!
- Lucas
- Quick! Play his favorite song!
- Panel 2 : Int. Vecna’s Lair – Continuous
-
Kevin is bound up by tentacles in Vecna’s Lair. Everything has a red tint. Vecna stands opposite him, poised with his claw hand. Yet they both pause to and look skyward as a song begin playing.
-
- Singer
- Shake your love! I just can’t shake your love! Shake your love! I just can’t shake… your love!
- Panel 3 : Int. Vecna’s Lair – Continuous
-
Embarrassed, Kevin blushes and grins. Vecna lowers his claw. A look of disbelief and judgement on his face.
-
- Vecna
- Debbie Gibson?
- Kevin
- Please don’t tell anyone.
A Very Specific Task
Strip Info
- Title
- A Very Specific Task
- Date
- June 19, 2022
- Tags
- beach, cauliflower, Dani, fences, gross, ham, Kevin, paint, pale, Ranch dressing, sunscreen, vacation, white people, yogurt
Transcript
- Panel 1 : Int. Room – Day
-
Dani stands smiling, holding a bowl of ranch dressing in one hand and a full head of cauliflower in the other. She’s just dipped the cauliflower in the ranch.
-
- Caption
- Dipping a head of cauliflower in ranch dressing
- Panel 2 : Ext. Yard – Later
-
Wearing overalls, Dani stands in front of a tall white picket fence. She holds a brush of white paint. A bucket sits on a stepladder nearby. Dani shrugs.
-
- Caption
- Painting a white fence white
- Panel 3 : Int. Kitchen – Later
-
Dani stands at a kitchen table. On the table is an open container of plain yogurt. Next to it is large uncooked ham. Dani massages the yogurt into the skin of the uncooked ham. She looks disgusted.
-
- Caption
- Massaging yogurt into an uncooked ham
- Panel 4 : Ext. Beach – Later
-
Dani on the beach, equally disgusted look on her face. But now, she’s applying sunscreen to Kevin’s back.
-
- Dani
- You’re right – nothing could’ve prepared me for this.
- Kevin
- Sorry.
No “Off” Switch
Strip Info
- Title
- No “Off” Switch
- Date
- June 12, 2022
- Tags
- anxiety, beach, Bird, fomo, Kevin, mental health, productivity, relatable, self care, social media, vacation
Transcript
- Panel 1 : Ext. Beach – Day
-
Kevin sits on a beach chair on a sunny shore. Wearing an open Hawaiian shirt, he clasps his hands behind his head and smiles. His bird perches on his elbow.
-
- Kevin
- Isn’t this great? A week away from social media! No F.O.M.O. No stress…
- Panel 2 : Ext. Beach – Continuous
-
Kevin and his bird sit in silence, soaking up the sun and surf.
- Panel 3 : Ext. Beach – Continous
-
Another moment of quiet.
- Panel 4 : Ext. Beach – Continous
-
Kevin’s bird turns to him.
-
- Bird
- You’re thinking of ways to turn this into content, aren’t you?
- Kevin
- Yes. I’m very broken.
One More Thing To Worry About
Strip Info
Transcript
- Panel 1 : Int. Dining Room – Day
-
Close up on Kevin’s hand, holding his phone. On the screen, a FaceTime call with his Mother. Her camera looks up her nose in a very unflattering angle.
-
- Mother
- …And have you heard about this black hole? It’s 4 million times larger than our sun! It’s going to swallow us up!
- Panel 2 : Int. Dining Room – Continuous
-
Kevin sits at a table, holding up his phone. His bird pearches on his shoulder. A bowl of fruit on the table nearby. Kevin smiles.
-
- Kevin
- Oh, Mom! I don’t think we have to worry about that for a long time.
- Mother
- If you say so…
- Panel 3 : Int. Dining Room – Continous
-
Kevin waves goodbye.
-
- Kevin
- O.K. Gotta go. Love you.
- Mother
- Love you too.
- Panel 4 : Int. Dining Room – Continous
-
Kevin and his bird panic, knocking over the bowl of fruit.
-
- Bird
- What the hell are we gonna do about this black hole?!?
- Kevin
- I DUNNO, MAN! I’M FREAKIN’ OUT!
The Procrastination Game
Strip Info
- Title
- The Procrastination Game
- Date
- May 8, 2022
- Tags
- Bird, couch, creativity, dumb things people do, Kevin, mental health, productivity, relatable, self care, videogames
Transcript
- Panel 1 : Int. Living Room – Day
-
Kevin sits on his couch, controller in hand, playing a video game. His bird sits next to him.
-
- Kevin
- Ugh. This game sucks.
- Bird
- Then why not play a game you like?
- Panel 2 : Int. Living Room – Continuous
-
Kevin replies.
-
- Kevin
- Because if I play a game I like, I’ll get absorbed and won’t do the other things I have to do today.
- Panel 3 : Int. Living Room – Continous
-
The bird ponders.
-
- Bird
- So why not do those other things first, then play a game you like?
- Kevin
- Because playing games is how I procrastinate.
- Panel 4 : Int. Living Room – Continous
-
The bird looks concerned.
-
- Bird
- Wow, you’re all messed up, huh?
- Kevin
- My therapist calls me his “goldmine.”
What’s In Your Wallet?
Strip Info
- Title
- What’s In Your Wallet?
- Date
- April 3, 2022
- Tags
- Bird, Bitcoin, crypto, dumb things people do, Kevin, Metaverse, orc warrior, scams, social interactions, virtual reality
Transcript
- Panel 1 : Int. The Metaverse – Day
-
Kevin and his orc guide walk through a Metaverse landscape.
-
- Kevin
- So how do I get a sweet metaverse avatar like yours?
- Orc
- You have to pay for it.
- Panel 2 : Int. The Metaverse – Continuous
-
Still walking.
-
- Kevin
- With real money?
- Orc
- With crypto!
- Kevin
- So… not real money?
- Panel 3 : Int. Metaverse – Continuous
-
The orc stops. Kevin stands behind him
-
- Orc
- Kinda. It’a a digital curency. Here: let’s set up a wallet for you.
-
The orc reaches towards a glowing Bitcoin wallet icon.
- Panel 4 : Int. The Metaverse – Continuous
-
In the real world, Kevin stands in his living room, looking confused in a VR headset. His bird perches on his arm.
-
- Bird
- How’s it going in there?
- Kevin
- I think I’m about to get swindled.
Keyboard Generals
Strip Info
- Title
- Keyboard Generals
- Date
- March 7, 2022
- Tags
- current events, Dunning Kruger, politics, President, single panel, Situation Room, social media, Twitter, war
- Notes
Transcript
- Panel 1 : Int. The Situation Room – Day
-
A stressed US President hunches over a large conference table in The Situation Room. Seated around the table are military generals, advisers, and policy leaders. On the table are laptops and papers with sensitive military information. The President motions to a round, bald-headed man wearing wraparound sunglasses and a Bored Ape Yacht Club t-shirt standing beside him. The guy throws up the devil horns sign.
“Gentlemen, this is a very precarious international situation, Which is why I brought in @callofdoody69 for his expert opinion.”
The Tale of Climate Policy – Part 2
Strip Info
- Title
- The Tale of Climate Policy – Part 2
- Date
- September 5, 2021
- Tags
- bedtime story, castle, climate change, forest fires, King, The Kingdumb, villagers
Transcript
- Panel 1 : Ext. Castle – Day
-
A storybook king stands atop his castle, addressing his subjects below. Behind him, flames and a great plume of smoke waft skywards.
-
- King
- Good news! I have a plan to end the wildfiles ravaging our kingdom…
- Panel 2 : Ext. Castle – Continuous
-
The crowd below cheers.
-
- Crowd
- Huzzah!
- Panel 3 : Ext. Castle – Continuous
-
The king continues
-
- King
- …over the next thirty years!
- Panel 4 : Int. Bedroom – Night
-
A modern-day child lays in their bed, looking confused.
-
- Little Boy
- Wait- Why thirty years? The forest is on fire now!
-
Sitting at the foot of the bed, the mother scowls at the bedtime story she’s reading.
-
- Mom
- Because the king and all his rich friends will be dead by then.
The Tale of Climate Policy – Part 1
Strip Info
- Title
- The Tale of Climate Policy – Part 1
- Date
- August 22, 2021
- Tags
- blacksmith, castle, climate change, dumb things people do, forest fires, King, politics, The Kingdumb, villagers, white people
Transcript
- Panel 1 : Ext. Castle – Day
-
The Tale of Climate Policy
-
A medieval King stands on the wall of his castle, looking over the nearby village. An aide stands next to him, gesturing at the burning forest beyond.
-
- Aide
- Your Highness, the forest beyond the village is aflame again!
- King
- Hmmm. What seems to be the cause?
- Panel 2 : Ext. Castle – Continuous
-
The King listens, stroking his beard and pondering.
-
- Aide
- We believe it to be the sparks from the Blacksmith’s shop.
- King
- Then I shall speak to the Blacksmith!
- Panel 3 : Int. Blacksmith’s Shop – Later
-
The King stands opposite the Blacksmith in his shop. The Blacksmith is twice the size of the King and twice as mean-looking. A nearby kiln showers sparks everywhere.
-
- King
- Fair Blacksmith! Could you please produce less sparks from your shop?
- Blacksmith
- No.
- Panel 4 : Ext. Castle – Later
-
The King stands atop his castle wall, addressing the villagers below. Behind him, a great plume of smoke and embers rises.
-
- King
- I HAVE DONE ALL I CAN TO STOP THE FOREST FIRES!
Jenga For Beginners
Strip Info
- Title
- Jenga For Beginners
- Date
- August 15, 2021
- Tags
- board games, dumb things people do, guest writer, jenga, single panel
- Notes
-
This comics was written by the criminally funny Opus Moreschi
Transcript
- Panel 1 : Int. Void – Day
-
A man stands hunched over a table, hand to his forehead, biting his lip in nervousness. On either side of him, his friends gather, shouting with anticipation. On the table in front of them is a single, rectangular block of wood, standing on it’s end like a tower. A very stable tower. The nervous man raises his hand to touch it. To the side, a box lies open with the label “Jenga For Beginners.”
The Kingdom That Almost Won
Strip Info
- Title
- The Kingdom That Almost Won
- Date
- August 1, 2021
- Tags
- bedtime story, COVID, dragon, dumb things people do, knight, medieval, misinformation, pandemic, The Kingdumb, villagers, white people
- Notes
-
This comic went crazy viral (go figure). Here’s my Twitter thread examining the spread.
Transcript
- Panel 1 : Ext. Kingdumb – Day
-
A medieval knight points at a giant dragon lying on its back in a destroyed village. The knight beckons to nearby villagers.
-
- Knight
- Look! The dragon is almost slain! Let us arm ourselves and end its reign of terror!
- Panel 2 : Ext. Kingdumb – Continuous
-
The nearby villagers look at their armor with skepticism.
-
- Villager 1
- Wait- What’s this armor made of?
- Villager 2
- The court jester says it makes you magnetic…
-
A third villager wears a helmet with visor hanging under his chin.
-
- Villager 3
- I can’t breathe in this helmet!
- Panel 3 : Ext. Kingdumb – Continuous
-
The knight looks on in despair as the villagers continue.
-
- Villager 1
- Don’t push your pro-armor agenda on us!
- Villager 2
- The dragon hasn’t eaten anyone -I- know.
- Villager 3
- We should let the dragon eat us until it gets full.
-
Meanwhile, the dragon looms over the knight.
- Panel 4 : Int. Bedroom – Night
-
In a modern-day child’s bedroom, a little boy in bed furrows his brow.
-
- Little Boy
- I don’t like this story. The people are dumb.
-
Sitting at the foot of his bed, his mother hunches over a storybook, head in hands.
-
- Mom
- -Sigh- I know.
The Cord Cutter’s Lament
Strip Info
- Title
- The Cord Cutter’s Lament
- Date
- May 9, 2021
- Tags
- Bird, cable, cord cutting, dumb things people do, Kevin, Netflix, streaming, TV
Transcript
- Panel 1 : Int. Void – Day
-
Kevin stands, looking at his credit card bill. His bird sits on his shoulder.
-
- Kevin
- Man! All these streaming services really add up!
- Panel 2 : Int. Void – Continuous
-
His bird ponders.
-
- Bird
- Hmm… if only there was a single service that gave you hundreds of channels for one price…
- Panel 3 : Int. Void – Continuous
-
Kevin starts to respond.
-
- Kevin
- …You mean like ca-
- Bird
(interrupting) - LIKE CABLE.
- Panel 4 : Int. Void – Continuous
-
His bird looks closer at his cable bill.
-
- Bird
- Also: You pay for Netflix? What a chump!
-
Kevin deadpans to camera.
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