Comics in Category : Dumb Things People Do
The Face of a Real Man
Strip Info
- Title
- The Face of a Real Man
- Date
- April 16, 2023
- Tags
- gross up, gruff fellow, Kevin, masculinity, moisturizer, self care, skincare, sunscreen, toxic masculinity
Transcript
- Panel 1 : Int. Void – Day
-
Close on Kevin’s hands, shaking a bit of moisturizer from a pink bottle into his palm. A few feet away, a gruff-looking fellow puts up his hand in protest.
-
- Gruff-Looking Fellow
- Moisturizer? With sunscreen? -pfft- I don’t use any of that girlie stuff.
- Panel 2 : Int. Void – Continuous
-
The gruff-looking fellow gets in Kevin’s face, pointing at his own. Kevin recoils.
-
- Gruff-Looking Fellow
- This here’s the face of a real man!
- Panel 3 : Int. Void – Continuous
-
Extreme close-up on the fellow’s scowling face. It’s burnt, cracked, pock-marked, and craggy. It’s… not pleasant.
- Panel 4 : Int. Void – Continuous
-
Kevin winces.
-
- Kevin
- Real men have skin cancer?
- Gruff-Looking Fellow
- You mean my face rubble?
Selling Stuff on Craigslist – Part IV
Strip Info
- Title
- Selling Stuff on Craigslist – Part IV
- Date
- March 19, 2023
- Tags
- awkward, capitalism, Craigslist, Craigslist Guy, dumb things people do, Kevin, lamp, social interactions, table
Transcript
- Panel 1 : Int. Void – Day
-
Kevin sits at a little table. On the table sits a small lamp with a red shade and a sign that reads “Lamp: $5. Still works! Red shade. 18″ tall.” Craigslist Guy steps up to the table.
-
- Craigslist Guy
- Hey. I’ll buy your lamp.
- Kevin
- Great! Can you take it today?
- Panel 2 : Int. Void – Continuous
-
Craigslist Guy answers.
-
- Craigslist Guy
- Well, see… I’ll have to borrow my mom’s-“
- Kevin (interrupting)
- Oh no no! No need to tell me your life story…
- Panel 3 : Int. Void – Continuous
-
Wider to reveal several people standing behind Craigslist Guy.
-
- Kevin
- Other folks are interested too. So just tell me if you can take it today.
- Panel 4 : Int. Void – Continuous
-
Craigslist Guy launches into a big block of backstory.
-
- Craigslist Guy
- Well, see… I’ll have to borrow my Mom’s car because I don’t want to carry it home on the bus because the bus driver is a jerk who wouldn’t let me bring my lunch on the bus because one time I spilled but it wasn’t even my fault because he went around a corner too fast so my soup spilled out of my thermos which I guess I should have closed tighter but hey…
-
Kevin deadpans to the camera.
The Side-Hustle Shuffle
Strip Info
- Title
- The Side-Hustle Shuffle
- Date
- February 26, 2023
- Tags
- couch, crafts, entrepreneur, grind, grustle, hobbies, hustle, Kevin, knitting, side hustle, The Grustle Monster
Transcript
- Panel 1 : Int. Apartment – Day
-
Kevin sits on his couch, smiling, knitting a little scarf.
-
- Kevin
- What a relaxing new hobby I’ve found!
Behind him, The Grustle Monster rears up.
- Grustle Monster
- TURN IT INTO A SIDE HUSTLE!
- Panel 2 : Int. Apartment – Continuous
-
Shocked, Kevin turns around to address The Grustle Monster.
-
- Kevin
- C-can’t I just enjoy it?
- Grustle Monster
- NO! MAKE YOUR PASSION YOUR PASSIVE INCOME!
- Panel 3 : Int. Apartment – Continuous
-
Kevin begins to interject, but The Grustle Monster yells in his face.
-
- Kevin
- But-
- Grustle Monster
- MONETIZE YOUR FREE TIME!
- Panel 4 : Int. Craft Fair – Continuous
-
Kevin sits, cross-armed and scowling, behind a table at a craft fair. On the table, several of his knitted scarves are displayed. A sign above the table reads “Kevin’s Stupid Scarves. $20 or whatever.”
The Real MVP
Strip Info
- Title
- The Real MVP
- Date
- February 12, 2023
- Tags
- Bird, confetti, football, interview, Kevin, microphone, NFL, sports, sportscaster, Super Bowl, trophy, tupperware
Transcript
- Panel 1 : Int. Football Stadium – Evening
-
Confetti rains down on a football field at the end of the Super Bowl. A sportscaster interviews Kevin on the field. Kevin wears a player’s uniform and holds the M.V.P. trophy.
-
- Kevin
(panting) - …Well, y’know, -pant- time was running out. I didn’t -pant- think I could hold on to it, but then I did…
- Kevin
- Panel 2 : Int. Football Stadium – Continuous
-
Kevin hoists the M.V.P. trophy above his head.
-
- Kevin
- …I just want to thank God, my team, and my parents for believing in me. Miracles can happen! Thank you!!
- Panel 3 : Int. TV Studio – Continuous
-
Cut to the studio, where two sportscasters chat.
-
- Sportscaster 1
- And there you have it: Kevin McShane named M.V.P. for remembering to bring home his tupperware from the Super Bowl potluck.
- Panel 4 : Int. Kevin’s Apartment – Continuous
-
Cut to real life. Kevin stands in his apartment, holding his tupperware up like the M.V.P. trophy. Behind him, his bird quips:
-
- Bird
- You’re sooo proud of yourself.
- Kevin
- I always forget!
The Bank Loan (Part 3)
Strip Info
Transcript
- Panel 1 : Int. Bank Office – Day
-
The bank Branch Manager sits behind his desk opposite Kevin and his bird, looking over a handfull of papers.
-
- Branch Manager
- Sir, this business plan was clearly written by your pet bird, and we don’t give bank loans to birds.
- Panel 2 : Bank Office – Continuous
-
Dressed in a large, green bird outfit, Kevin scoffs. Dressed in a collar and tie, his bird perches next to him.
-
- Kevin
- That’s preposterious! Are you suggesting I’m not the one who came up with the idea for…
- Panel 3 : Int. Bank Office – Continuous
-
Kevin picks up one of the loan application papers in front of him and reads it briefly.
- Panel 4 : Bank Office – Continuous
-
Kevin returns to his hauty posture.
-
- Kevin
- …”Pluckr: The Dating App for Birds?”
- Panel 5 : Int. Car – Later
-
Kevin drives home from the bank. On his shoulder, his bird throws up his wings in disgust.
-
- Bird
- It’s a billion dollar idea!
- Kevin
- Obviously. They have no vision.
The Bank Loan (Part 2)
Strip Info
- Title
- The Bank Loan (Part 2)
- Date
- November 13, 2022
- Tags
- bank loan, bank manager, Bird, business, costume, dumb things people do, Kevin, office, scheme, The Box
Transcript
- Panel 1 : Int. Car – Day
-
Kevin drives his car to the bank. On his arm sits his bird, dressed in a little collar and tie.
-
- Bird
- Listen, I need you to pretend to be me in this bank interview.
- Kevin
- What? Why?
- Panel 2 : Int. Car – Continuous
-
The bird continues.
-
- Bird
- Because banks don’t give business loans to birds.
- Kevin
- Well, not with that attitude.
- Panel 3 : Ext. Car – Continuous
-
The bird continues.
-
- Bird
- C’mon, be serious. Can you pretend to be me or not?
- Kevin
- Yeah yeah yeah. No problem.
- Panel 4 : Int. Bank Office – Later
-
Kevin sits in a chair opposite the branch manager, who looks over the loan application. Kevin is wearing a giant parrot costume, grinning like an idiot. On his shoulder, his bird facepalms.
Probably Just The Wind
Strip Info
- Title
- Probably Just The Wind
- Date
- October 9, 2022
- Tags
- baseball bat, bed, Bird, cage, Kevin, night, scary, scary sound, self defense
Transcript
- Panel 1 : Int. Living Room – Night
-
A sleepy Kevin lifts the cover on his bird’s cage.
-
- Kevin (whispering)
- Hey. Are you awake?
- Bird
- Well, I am now.
- Panel 2 : Int. Living Room – Continuous
-
Kevin continues.
-
- Kevin
- I heard a scary noise outside. Can you come sleep next to me?
- Bird
- No! You’re a grown man. Go to bed!
- Panel 3 : Int. Living Room – Continuous
-
A horrible sound: “-skritch- -skritch- BLEAGGGGH” comes from off-panel. Kevin and his bird freeze in fear.
- Panel 4 : Int. Living Room – Continuous
-
Kevin lies in bed, wide awake, clutching a baseball bat. On the pillow next to him lies his bird, facing the other direction.
-
- Bird
- Just don’t roll over and crush me.
All That Flapping
Strip Info
- Title
- All That Flapping
- Date
- August 14, 2022
- Tags
- Bird, dumb things people do, flying, Kevin, life or death situation, outside, rooftop
Transcript
- Panel 1 : Ext. Kevin’s House – Day
-
Close up on Kevin, wearing a bike helmet. His parrot sits on his shoulder.
-
- Kevin
- What’s flying like?
- Bird
- Honestly? Overrated.
- Panel 2 : Ext. Kevin’s House – Continuous
-
The bird continues.
-
- Bird
- Sure, it’s fun to soar above the trees. But it’s also exhausting. All that flapping.
- Panel 3 : Ext. Kevin’s House – Continuous
-
Wider to reveal Kevin is standing on the roof of his house, looking over the edge. A pillow lashed to his chest and a bedsheet fastened to his arms as makeshift wings.
-
- Kevin
- Huh. So should I rethink this?
- Char
- Nah. You’re gonna love it.
Why I’m Not On Stranger Things
Strip Info
- Title
- Why I’m Not On Stranger Things
- Date
- July 10, 2022
- Tags
- awkward, Debbie Gibson, dumb things people do, Dustin, Kevin, Lucas, music, Netflix, pop culture, Stranger Things, TV, Vecna, white people
- Notes
Transcript
- Panel 1 : Ext. Hawkins Graveyard – Day
-
An Overhead shot of Kevin, floating several feet in mid-air. Wearing headphones, his eyes roll back in a dumbfounded expression. On the ground, Dustin and Lucas from Stranger Things freak out.
-
- Dustin
- Oh no! Kevin’s under Vecna’s curse!
- Lucas
- Quick! Play his favorite song!
- Panel 2 : Int. Vecna’s Lair – Continuous
-
Kevin is bound up by tentacles in Vecna’s Lair. Everything has a red tint. Vecna stands opposite him, poised with his claw hand. Yet they both pause to and look skyward as a song begin playing.
-
- Singer
- Shake your love! I just can’t shake your love! Shake your love! I just can’t shake… your love!
- Panel 3 : Int. Vecna’s Lair – Continuous
-
Embarrassed, Kevin blushes and grins. Vecna lowers his claw. A look of disbelief and judgement on his face.
-
- Vecna
- Debbie Gibson?
- Kevin
- Please don’t tell anyone.
A Very Specific Task
Strip Info
- Title
- A Very Specific Task
- Date
- June 19, 2022
- Tags
- beach, cauliflower, Dani, fences, gross, ham, Kevin, paint, pale, Ranch dressing, sunscreen, vacation, white people, yogurt
Transcript
- Panel 1 : Int. Room – Day
-
Dani stands smiling, holding a bowl of ranch dressing in one hand and a full head of cauliflower in the other. She’s just dipped the cauliflower in the ranch.
-
- Caption
- Dipping a head of cauliflower in ranch dressing
- Panel 2 : Ext. Yard – Later
-
Wearing overalls, Dani stands in front of a tall white picket fence. She holds a brush of white paint. A bucket sits on a stepladder nearby. Dani shrugs.
-
- Caption
- Painting a white fence white
- Panel 3 : Int. Kitchen – Later
-
Dani stands at a kitchen table. On the table is an open container of plain yogurt. Next to it is large uncooked ham. Dani massages the yogurt into the skin of the uncooked ham. She looks disgusted.
-
- Caption
- Massaging yogurt into an uncooked ham
- Panel 4 : Ext. Beach – Later
-
Dani on the beach, equally disgusted look on her face. But now, she’s applying sunscreen to Kevin’s back.
-
- Dani
- You’re right – nothing could’ve prepared me for this.
- Kevin
- Sorry.
No “Off” Switch
Strip Info
- Title
- No “Off” Switch
- Date
- June 12, 2022
- Tags
- anxiety, beach, Bird, fomo, Kevin, mental health, productivity, relatable, self care, social media, vacation
Transcript
- Panel 1 : Ext. Beach – Day
-
Kevin sits on a beach chair on a sunny shore. Wearing an open Hawaiian shirt, he clasps his hands behind his head and smiles. His bird perches on his elbow.
-
- Kevin
- Isn’t this great? A week away from social media! No F.O.M.O. No stress…
- Panel 2 : Ext. Beach – Continuous
-
Kevin and his bird sit in silence, soaking up the sun and surf.
- Panel 3 : Ext. Beach – Continous
-
Another moment of quiet.
- Panel 4 : Ext. Beach – Continous
-
Kevin’s bird turns to him.
-
- Bird
- You’re thinking of ways to turn this into content, aren’t you?
- Kevin
- Yes. I’m very broken.
One More Thing To Worry About
Strip Info
Transcript
- Panel 1 : Int. Dining Room – Day
-
Close up on Kevin’s hand, holding his phone. On the screen, a FaceTime call with his Mother. Her camera looks up her nose in a very unflattering angle.
-
- Mother
- …And have you heard about this black hole? It’s 4 million times larger than our sun! It’s going to swallow us up!
- Panel 2 : Int. Dining Room – Continuous
-
Kevin sits at a table, holding up his phone. His bird pearches on his shoulder. A bowl of fruit on the table nearby. Kevin smiles.
-
- Kevin
- Oh, Mom! I don’t think we have to worry about that for a long time.
- Mother
- If you say so…
- Panel 3 : Int. Dining Room – Continous
-
Kevin waves goodbye.
-
- Kevin
- O.K. Gotta go. Love you.
- Mother
- Love you too.
- Panel 4 : Int. Dining Room – Continous
-
Kevin and his bird panic, knocking over the bowl of fruit.
-
- Bird
- What the hell are we gonna do about this black hole?!?
- Kevin
- I DUNNO, MAN! I’M FREAKIN’ OUT!
Join my free email newsletter for new comics early and more!